Será que alguém poderia corrigir pra mim?

Minha redação de inglês, valendo nota.. :/

Se pudessem apontar uns erros ou sugerir alguma mudança, ficaria eternamente grata. :/

If you stop to compare the presence of technological stuff in our lives nowadays

and in the last ten years, at the turn of the century, you will realize that today,

in some ways, technology is not only something to make life more pratical, but it's

also a necessity. An evident example is the mobile phone: in the year of 2000, only

a small number of people had one, but it's certainly true that today, it isn't common

to find a 12-year-old girl without one. Following this example, we can find out that

if cellphones, in the past, were used just to facilitate everyone's communication,

nowadays they are so important that can drive some people crazy just to think about

losing theirs. However, the cell phone's importance doesn't end there since today

you not only can use yours to give calls, but you can also take photos and listen

to music as well. It means that today, a cell phone is much more than a small gadget

with communication functions.


A wonderful example of mobile's improvement is the iPhone. Developed by Aple,

it's a smartphone with touchscreen that can be used as a cell phone, mp3 player,

a digital camera and also to connect to internet. Anyway, going back to real world,

it's a fact that cell phones, being iPhones or not, are part of our lives. By using

them, only with the knowledge of some numbers, we can contact anyone, anywhere,

at any time in the day. This means that if you find yourself lost in an unknown part

of the city, you can simple call a cab driver from your cell phone (or call your mom

and ask her for a drive). You can also call your boyfriend or girlfriend during any

time of the day since it doesn't matter where he or she is because the cell phone

will always be there. Besides calls, there are other basic functions that are very

interesting, such as text messages, very helpful when you don't want to make noise.

There are also the calculator, the games and the notes.


Now, if you are a busy businessmen, a cell phone is, for sure, part of your life.

That's by far the worst problem: the stress because although it gives us the opportunity

to call people when we want, it also leave them free to do the same. So in this sense,

for important people, having a mobile can mean no time to relax and forget the problems.

For example, if you are the manager of a great company, it phone will ring so much

that you will not only have nightmares with the ring tone, but crucially will want to

through your cell phone over the closest window. On the other hand, if you break your

it, it will also be a huge complication since they usually take more than two weeks to

get fixed, depending on the problem. That's why there are the ones who have extra cell

phones, sometimes more than one.

In summary, even with the bad points, having a mobile phone can be very useful. You just

can't let it desorganize your life. It can mean that you may have to turn it off when you're

busy, but that's nothing compared to how it can facilitate to if you know how. For example,

you can program your cell phone to remind you of a important event, as a meeting or a homework.

There is also the GPS function, that some mobiles have, which can help you to scape the traffic.

After all, if you are an E.T that doesn't have a mobile phone, that's the time to buy one: with

the new portability system (which means that you can change from Tim to Oi, for example, without

having to pick a new number), the stores are full os promotions so you can say that you won't

buy for economic reasons. So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and find out what the amazing

world of mobile phones has in store for you!

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